finedaytoexit

Tonight is the first night EVER in my apartment complex that I have been kept awake by people. The people 2 floors below me in the next building over are drinking outside and being really loud. That being said, I'm not sure what the "appropriate" response is in this community. I've never even worried about it.

I'm nearly to my monthly woes, and I think maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion because I am tired. And a little upset. Ti's out of town, and I've never been good at the whole "carrying a relationship across the country" thing. Especially after he called and said Friday he was going to see the new Star Wars movie.

I am pretty upset he wouldn't wait for me, because well I love it. I understand that he has the opportunity to go with his best friend..but really, shouldn't I be his best friend now? I guess I don't really understand how relationships work often. but one thing is I never want to be the type to control what someone else does, there is hardly anything more disappointing than hearing someone say they can't do something because their sig. other says no.

That being said, I'm sure I could always go alone. I should have stayed up and went to opening to spite him, but I was so very tired. but a little part of my wishes he would have just not told me, and acted surprised when we go to see it together, because I think he knows I was waiting to see it with him, instead of alone or with friends. Maybe it's not that important to me, but I'm sure given how I feel it will get a day of awkward silences from me.

With all of that...I haven't really been able to keep up with LJ again. I've been more stressed about school/work/finances that I haven't had time to do much else. I really am just dreadfully confused about my goals in life. hrm.

Wellt the good news is I basically threw another sucessful dinner for the people at work. I made a lasagne, and no one really ever seems to realize that the only secret to having it turn out right is you prepare it at least one day in advance, throw it in the fridge without baking it and let it sit at least over night. I also made killer panna cotta. I don't know what to make next.

Sooo. Things in the lab have massively improved. I guess I just get sick of cleaning up after everyone, but...everyone's doing great now. Now...I actually want to work. I'm going to give Jess the benefit of the doubt and say she was in her adjustment phase. It still bothers me, but...hell if I'm going to stay I gotta make thinks work and I can't just get mad because of everything else going on in my life.

I've been battling these stupid UTIs lately. A lot. I hope they go away. Other than that, everything's great

hhaha ok time to go to work!

I know it's selfish of me, but I hope Ti never gets a job away from home. I'd miss my lunches from him. Especially now that I have a cute chococat lunch box. Today's lunch was mexican themed. A soft taco, taco salad, and corn. Be jealous, it was delicious. Of course I cooked the taco..but still he made it look soooo nice. Oh, and Kasugai gummies. If you like gummy candies, those are the best. They sell them in the normal grocery stores back home, but down here we have to actually go to the Asian market, which smells terrible, to get them.
The lab today is boring. I have to coat slides with APTMS before moving on which gives me about...16 hours of downtime. I have a final to write and stuff to grade. I guess I better move on with the functionalization so I can do that stuff.

Blaaaaaah.

I came in and the lab was a DISASTER. I'm literally the only one that cleans, so I got a bit pissed and yelled at everyone to pick up after themselves, then Carlos said "I'm not going to have you tell me what to do too"...It's fucking common sense.
I work in a CHEMICAL lab.
It's not a GOOD idea to have it be a mess.
End of story.

Blahh....

That's how I feel. Well that and exhausted. I was going to write about my problems with Ti and everything, but I've come to realize that they're not problems with him, they're problems with me.

so my other problems are: I either need to find a school or work. I told the administration at UCF I'd be done in December. That's not much time.
I could go to Colorado, but I would ideally want to be somewhere more urban. If by some how, Ti and I are still even a couple then...he knows a girl out there, but she sounds like the type of girl I don't like, and also I don't know their history. I'm not really the jealous type but, only being friends with a member of the opposite sex is rare, and well, I know there's always problems if there is a current girl/old girl.

So anyways our other option of course would be a long distance relationship for a while. Not necessarily a bad thing...they can work out well sometimes. I'm definitely not in the market for a new boyfriend or fling, so I'm sure it'd work fine with him.

Blah blah. Anyways.

So for you foodies out there, I think I'm going to start posting some recipes I'm making on here so you can try them out. I'll work out my black forest cheesecake recipte and post it a bit later. I know several of you like to cook...

One of the most frightening this I've come about in a while... http://www.eppendorf.com/int/hawkpopup.php?contentid=13

Eppendorf made a MUSIC video, how it's beyond me. But really, I love my Eppendorfs!

Blah, everything is blah lately. I'm not motavated enough to do anything. Except try to play with my Palm and try to get it to do actual USEFUL stuff.
I guess I should go talk with my advisor. Since I came in at....2 today.

I'm pretty chipper today. I haven't had to deal with any complete morons yet. Tonight is the Boris concert. I'm sure it will be 90% people who wish they were Asian and a few cool people. Like me. And Ben. I hate going to see Japanese bands though. You get some real cultish freaks at concerts.

And I really don't care much for the culture. Ti and his family are exceptions. Along with my old roommates. Other than that...

Anyways things are going alright in the lab. Not great, but ok.

Department party for tomorrow today. Guess who's not going? That's right. me. I do need to pass by say hi and grab some ice...

I'm really excited about Boris and hopefully seeing an old friend soon.

Yesterday we had a picnic at a co-worker's house which was surprisingly a good time. I made brigadeigo and baklava, both of which turned out to be a huge hit. The brazilians knew exactly what the brigadeigo was, so that was a HUGE compliment as I had never made it before. They said it was very traditional and I did a good job. I've had Greek people compliment me on my baklava too, so I know I do that well.


I have pictures which will be up later. Ti has to remove the red eyes from me and Paula!

Life is more of the same lately.
I'm tutoring this guy a lot, who pays me tons and tons of money.
It's nice.

I work in the lab almost all the time. Yesterday was my teaching day, and since we crammed two organic labs into one day, it was all the way until 9 pm. I was exhausted. I stopped at Shamrock and bought a pack of Sirius, which we didn't even try. I was so tired. I fell asleep playing Pokemon.

Which is my new obsession recently. I just started playing a while ago. I never played as a kid, but it is...so fucking cute. I'm only catching/training cute pokemon too. Right now Eevee is my obsession and I'm breeding them like mad.

I just caught a Minun too, so adorable. I think that's why Ti likes me. I obsess about cute things more than any Japanese girl ever did. I have to fall asleep with chococat and pikachu next to me, and my primary goal in life is to live in a teddy bear shaped house with the ears as the rooms for my two boys I'll eventually have. But. I want it to be lined with functional medieval weaponry, so when someone breaks in I can bash their skull in with a battle axe.

I felt good, I ran into someone I used to TA for and he said I've lost weight. I've been going to the gym a bit, Ti's my personal trainer. We also are eating a lot healthier but today we did splurge on massive amounts of sushi because we both wanted it. Also we were curious if Fuji was still bad (last time we ate there late on a Friday and I got baaaaad tuna.) but they came through. It was just a big digusting watching Ti shove massive pieces of eel in his mouth after I had eaten way beyond the "comfortably full" point. Don't get me wrong, I like eel, but just the way it was cut, it looked like he was eating alien tentacles or something.

Now I just have 15 minutes until he picks me up....

I think maybe I should take it as a sign that I'm just not ready for serious relationships because I let too many little things bother me.
I was having a great day at work, making nanothings, coating glass, cleaning up until Ti asked me how much to charge for the website he made my mom.

I hate hate hate being the middle man. I don't fucking have a clue, he knows how much work he put into it, and he knows the going rate. I know people who do websites for as low as 200, and as high as 2000. That's a huge range. I figured 3-4 hundred should be fine, and then he tells me he charges 1500. So...charge that then! Why do you even ask me?

Argh, now my day feels ruined. I'm so pissed over the little things.
I don't even want to go home.
I know when I get home, no matter what I'll do he'll be right there, nearly on top of me. I guess I should tell him I really need my space.

And to top it all off my DS died so I'm not even really able to be entertained at work.

Any ideas what I can cook for dinner?

So lately I've only been working a lot and that's about it. This weekend though we started to worry about making the apartment look nicer! Which it is looking a lot nicer I'm pretty pleased. I have a knack for decorating I think. I just wish I didn't have these damn denim sofas and I had a computer desk (right now my computer is on the floor. As am I!)

We went to Joanne's for most of our decor, so a lot of it was DIY, which I love doing. Yesterday I did a bit with silk flower arrangements which I never even though I'd be good at, but it turns out I think I did ok! We bought some canvases too because they were 50% off! Also a small charcoal grill, which....I'd never used one, and we had some trouble so we didn't eat until midnight last night but it was alright I suppose. We had chicken, corn and squash so it was a nice summery meal. I also figured out how to make stuff that tastes exactly like the candy Rolos...so I was happy.
I'm becoming better and better at cooking lately. So dinner party for anyone who wants to come before I move from orlando sometime.

We're thinking about moving to a different apartment. I don't know if this is going to pan out since chances are I may move in Jan. I guess I need to decide by November if I want to transfer schools. Dr. Miles at UCF gave me some great advice. He said just make sure all my coursework is accepted and if it is, go. I don't want to loose too much time. But Colarado may be a better place to life. I have to dig up all of the info, get copies of my transcripts, get my GRE scores etc.

I may take the GREs again just to get a better score. I think if I can get a really kick ass score then I can definitely get into a better school than mines, but no one seems to want to take me as a transfer. Well I guess time will tell and I don't feel like writing anymore

So, I was babelfishing and came up with a really good one:

( Pain of salvation/Undertow )

Not much to say, except I finally have the opportunity to leave Orlando for ever.

I can go to the Colorado School of Mines starting in Jan. to finish up my PhD but I'm skeptical about it.

:S

I've been so stressed out due to work/life that I started crying at the gym yesterday. There was a guy that was just sitting in the gym to watch the basketball game and I almost blew up at him cos he had it so loud. It's not his fucking living room.

I'm trying to make nanostars and it's just not going.

I need to go get lunch before teaching today too. It's just not going to be fun.
You know you're a chemist in a bad way if you forgot avagadros constant (yep had to look it up yesterday)....

Oh well I have a lot to look foward to. Like the rest of my life.

I feel so damn melancholy right now. If you know the Amorphis song My Kantele, I feel like the ending. If you don't know it, youtube it it's a beautiful song.

On top of the 13% (!) cut in pay I took, UCF has assigned us MORE work. Which includes grading. Now usually I'm not a whiny bitch but...

My mind is in the lab. I need to do this to graduate. But, they now expect me to:

Be in the lab full time.
Teach a class that's 9 hours long one day a week, do all the quiz writing and grading and etc associated with that.
Proctor exams whenever I can.

And now: Grade other people's exams.

Organic chemistry nonetheless and not even multiple choice. And they expect me to have them graded the day after.

I can't do it anymore. I'm never going to graduate.

Alright everyone loves my new hair style...hahah hooray.


Work is pretty boring. I have the most relaxed job ever. I already synthesized my nanorods today so I've basically done everything I need to do until tutoring tonight. I'll probably go home at 5..I wanna run to the store and get some things for dinner before I tutor at 7 and then again at 8. Thankfully I'm tutoring on campus. This is the only way I'm ever gonna make any money here. Being a grad student doesn't pay at all.
I can't wait until I'm done.
I need to start working out again. I'm feeling very pudgy lately. It doesn't help that my boyfriend moved in and rather enjoys food, so I'm always cooking, but man I love cooking! And I'm getting pretty good at it. I want to have a fancy party with people, but Ti and I were thinking, who could we invite to a nice dinner party? Most of our friends are bar friends. Not the type you take home for a semi nice dinner.

Speaking of dinners. We had fondue last night. We had homemade caramel sauce, and cut up apples and some of the birthday cake...it was so good. Is anyone around Orlando interested in coming over for a fondue party?

I'm going to go make an attempt to look busy before it's lunch time :)

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/showdown

so post your old flash videos to amuse me.

I promised the guys I'd bring them lunch today
I feel bad I'm running behind but I get to use my new knives which are amazing. Ironically I used them the first time to make a japanese dish...
So I feel bad because the person who I'd probably consider to be my best friend couldn't take time out of her busy lifestyle to remember my birthday (Well, I took plenty of time out of my day on HER birthday to listen to her wild stories)...I guess maybe we've grown apart too much.

Well so what return to blogging would be complete without a personality test?

My Personality

Neuroticism	63
Extraversion	67
Openness to Experience	96
Agreeableness	32
Conscientiousness	56

You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You strive hard to achieve excellence. Your drive to be recognized as successful keeps you on track toward your lofty goals. You often have a strong sense of direction in life, but may sometimes be too single-minded and obsessed with your work.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. myspace layouts

Hrm.
Well so what are you all doing today?

So it's been a while. I swear I'm going to do this.

My life is absolutely epic. There's certain things I'm doing that are classified, but, I've become one of the better synthetic chemists in the nanotech department. I've been doing things that people in Japan have been working on for years and can't do.

So yesterday was my birthday, and it was the most stunningly epic birthday ever and I'm still recovering.

( Birthday swag and gooey love stuff. )

So back to lab stuff. We're sending samples I made to California. Not just anywhere. A professor at University of California, BEREKELY wants MY samples. I can't believe that. I'm trying to get into the Colarado School of Mines, but maybe I'm setting my standards too low. I'm nearly done with my Ph.D I have two classes, candidacy, and dissertation left. Probably a year and a half. Maybe 2. I know exactly what my dissertation is on, but that's really classified.

Man though. I can't wait to cook. I have a mortar and pestle and knifes to play with. Plus a fondue set. I don't even know what to do first! Work is almost done. I'm heading out early cos I'm exhausted. I had to wake up at 5:30 because Ti had an 8:00 flight. I'm so busy lately too. All I want to do is be in the lab though, because things here are absolutely awesome. Because I am awesome.